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Don’t be a hero….being a Superhero

man-flying-fly-dark-steel-flight-638232-pxhere.comIt’s tough being a Superhero, which is what we are to our kids. Every. Single. Day.

It took me a long time to realise it, even longer to do something about it and it still remains something of a challenge….asking for a helping hand with the kids. In the main,  it’s assistance with the logistics challenge that presents itself on an almost daily basis – ferrying from school straight to activities, to home and (frequently) out again after the latest speed eating challenge (them, not me), for further extra-curricular activity (again, them, not me!).

Support network

As part of the adoption approval process, you get to draw a web showing your nearest and dearest, identifying your support network – where you can go to when you need help with the small people. It’s something I would recommend any parent does from the outset – it really helps if you need a Plan B, C or Z in an emergency. You may never look at it again, but just having gone through the thought process and seeing it in black and white will help.

We’re incredibly lucky, we’ve got parents close enough to assist, good friends who are always willing to lend a hand and a number of school Mums and Dads happy to share lifts, etc.

The support network is hugely important to any family – being a parent is the toughest job on on the planet, so  you should take the help whenever it’s offered and wherever you can get it!

Wise words, except I’m just rubbish at asking and I can’t work out why….

Male pride?

I’m definitely no Alpha male, who has to be seen to be invincible. Maybe it’s an unconscious male pride? As we all know, this parenting job is harder than any 9-5 job, a fact known by the billions of parents out there, but very often we feel like we face the challenge alone, with no one to turn to for help.

Does being a SAHD add an additional layer of complexity? We’re a fairly new species in the grand scheme of parental evolution, and whilst we’re definitely not dragging our knuckles, we perhaps parent differently to our vastly more experienced female contemporaries. I’ve generally found that they have no problem asking for help, so why should we find it so difficult? Or is it just me? Okay, just me then….

Lone Ranger

Almost without exception, every Superhero has a sidekick to assist them – so why do I feel like the Lone Ranger (without Tonto)?

Perhaps it’s a case of feeling the need to go the extra mile, just to prove that we can do it ourselves – continuing to be that superhero and perpetuating the outdated stereotype that the man has to provide, in whatever form that may take?

Parenting can be a solitary job, and perhaps even more so for SAHDs – breaking into the circle of Mums on the school run can feel more than a little intimidating and asking for help may feel like a sign of weakness, asking parents for help may feel like a sign of weakness, but you just have to pull on those big boy pants, stop being a hero and ask when you need help – the worst that can happen is they say ‘no’. Turning it on its head, I’m more than happy to help out with school/activity runs and even sleepovers if it helps out, so why should I be backward in coming forward?

Answers on a postcard please (showing my age!)…..

One thought on “Don’t be a hero….being a Superhero

  1. A tough one … I’m not a stay at home dad, but admit I was never comfortable, when the kids were younger, with the “Mum Circle”. Nothing they did or said particularly but I would only ever ask a favour of them in extreme circumstances. Maybe we are not advanced enough on the Dad as hands-on, equal parenting partner as we would like!

    Like

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